August 14, 2007

World

Up in Smoke

By Tiffany Hawk

With high-styling flight attendants and champagne on tap, what's not to love about SMINTair? Oh, right — the impenetrable haze of nicotine.

Good news for smokers: you’ll no longer have to resort to sticking your head inside an airplane toilet bowl in hopes of fooling the smoke detector. SMINTair — Smoker’s International Airways — has now scored daily slots at Dusseldorf airport. Not only will the carrier let its passengers chainsmoke their way from Germany to Japan, it also promises to be the “world’s most luxurious airline.” Said luxury includes three lounges on every plane; on-demand complimentary caviar, oysters and champagne; and custom cigarettes filled with nothing but “pure good tobacco.” We’re also promised charming and beautiful flight attendants dressed in couture — help-wanted ads specifically request girls from Asia, Africa, Arabia or Eastern Europe.

If you don’t smoke, this all-premium class airline still wants your business when, or if, it takes off. Online, the CEO offers you proof that smoking does not cause lung cancer. If that doesn’t convince you to light up, he still assures you that you’ll find SMINTair’s air “more refreshing than any other flight,” as the company will happily burn extra fuel to import more fresh air. Apparently, polluting the air outside the cabin is also a priority for this middle-finger waving libertarian airline. Its website — which declares zero tolerance for ventilation freaks and global-warming warriors — has a forum dedicated to Al “the loser” Gore’s global warming scam. Hot weather, foreign girls, legalized vices — sounds like some twisted state of paradise.